Feb has finally come to its end. After my luck hit the lowest low, things finally start to look up. Maybe Chinese philosophy does live up to its reputation. There has to be balance in everything.

 

The trip back to Shanghai was nice, especially this year. As I'm done with my job hunting, the worries and the stress are released with signatures signed on the papers. It is true. The dream job of mine is one step away, yet I can not complain with what I have got. It feels good to actually have options ahead of you, and knowing that you could weigh the choices and make your own decision in between.

 

On the other hand, after half a month of persistence, the Japan Consulate finally issued to me the visa this morning. I could not help smiling when the lady told me about their decision. I have always thought that I would go to Europe for graduation trip. Guess in life you just can not plan everything. It is, however, the spontaneousness that makes it beautiful and intriguing.

 

Things are back on the right track at the right pace. It feels good to be settled in this way...I was talking to Pierre online today celebrating the visa thingy when he asked me how I think things are going with us. I had to admit that there were moments when I got scared and skeptical as to how the passion is ever going to be maintained at such distance, not to mention the fact that I used to disdain to try. The fact that I never had the chance to give it a serious thought makes me a total beginner in such a relationship, things like what might get in the way. Perhaps that might explain why in the very beginning I was always more optimistic about our future together. As time passes by, I realize day by day just how frangible long distance relationship can be. Indeed, every detail counts. And how frustrated one can get when physical existance matters in tough moments. I've got to remember what I've learned about in my psychology class about human interaction!

 

When in doubts, the question marks might not be able to be resolved right away in such situation. To make matters worse, they just somehow hang there and haunt you and grow even bigger. Things that you are afraid to say because you just can not be sure of. Things that you have to think through yourself before making any conclusion that could result in damages beyond measure. Things that you can only keep to yourselves or tell your closest friends. Things that in between your frustation and understanding, remain the way they are...

 

Can it be counted as the spontaneousness of a relationship? If so, where is the beauty of it that adds up to the growing passion? If confronted, to what extent should one stop haggling over every ounc? And above all, how the question marks can ever be resolved without frustration? or simply, it is just something unavoidable?

 

At the beginning of a huge crush, one might have butterflies in the stomach. We take it as a good sign. And then, it might turn into stomachache as the crush turned into a crash. And sometimes, it might just grow sour, when you shall know the mixed feelings are so strong that one can neither cares too much or too little...