My friends must have been wondering where I have been. It's been almost a month since I moved out of the university and to some small apartment in the Western District of Hong Kong, which, is another rarely known piece of news. The day I left the campus, I sat on the mini-bus and looked out of the window, recalling the time I spent there and strangely, I felt at ease...I guess at that time I was more amazed at the brand new chapter ahead of me, which left me with little interest and time to hold on to the past...

 

So you might wonder what it feels like now. I am still me, less of school, a job and a boyfriend not so far away yet I have no idea when on earth will its consulate be generous enough to grant me a visa. Being a free agent is not as good as I thought, because every part of me is in fact trapped in a big net of uncertainties. I did have fun wondering about in furniture shops till the moment I got tired of IKEA. Everyday I have enough beauty sleep, walk around the area, meet up with friends, watch movies and talk to Pierre online. Sounds like the perfect life yet I feel that part of me is emptying up.

 

If you think about it, I should have been happier. At least I still have tons of friends here who would go shopping with me, eat with me and go partying with me. I have two potential job offers which are not too bad. My appartment, tiny it is, is getting cozier and cozier...what exactly is wrong then? I feel like I hit the lowest low today, tonight, especially when I was watching the cheesy romance movie on Star Movies....I miss Pierre. And the fact that the Japan consulate is making it so hard for us to meet in Japan is definitely a beat on my heart. When I wrote to him about the new information I found out today, I wrote in such a way that it looks as if I was cheering him up. But deep down I know I am the one who needs to be cheered up. And just when I thought things could not be worse, Stephie called and told me about her test results. First Karen, and now Stephie, why these things are happening to my closest friends?!

 

I feel tired...I have always been proud of being a Chinese, but I am sick of having to deal with visas all the time...

 

And I feel helpless knowing that my inspirations are going away, running down as my tears drop...the moment when I just want to be alone, and cry out all the pains and the hatred for tomorrow, I know I have to get up and move on.

 

So they say, this is live...