Stock market is just like the woman, so unpredictable that just when you thought your chance is over and give up, she'd come over and give you a kiss on the lips, as if saying, darling if you had been more patient, you could have gotten me....

 

I do not know how a man would re-act in this situation. As to me, I go: "bastard!!!" Now this is why half of the population chooses not to invest money in the stock market, sometimes even the stock analysts themselves. It's like riding a roller coaster. Warning: those who have weak heart conditions are prohibited from the ride.

 

Maybe after all my heart is not as strong as I thought. Maybe I should just put the money where I can see it: eg, bags, shoes, clothes. :P Right there, hang in my closet, except that the closet I have now is so small that every time I dig into it I feel like I'm going through some kind of war.

 

Anywayz, I could not let the frustration destroy my peaceful mood, especially not after my yoga class coz then that'll be a double loss. Hence, do not cry over the spilt milk, I said to myself. If we can not change what has been decided, then we should make the most out of it. Life is too short for such tears...

 

The rest of the night, I talked to Karen for a long time. I told her about Pierre's decision. We both saw it coming all along. I asked what she would do if she were in my situation. I listed all the difficulties I might encounter in the future, language barrier, visa, financial difficulty, career etc. Her answer was simple: none of these would matter if you are determined to. I am smiling as I am typing these words. Since when do we start to complicate things before we realize that there is something in this world called faith that, would guide us through all the troubles if, and only if, we believe...

 

Perhaps that's why my heart is in fact much relieved and settled once the decision is made. On second thought, it is actually the best decision that can be made for both of us. While it is too early to conclude that our fates are doomed to be converged together for the rest of our life, it is better to cultivate the faith in each other and let time tell where such faith shall lead us...

 

In old times, like those of Romeo & Juliet, one would be willingly to sacrifice everything so as to pursue love. Tristan said to Isolde before he died, "I do not know if life is greater than death. But love was more than either..." In real life, where the society is flooded with monetary terms, most of the people seem to forget how great love can be, or should be. Instead, they grunt at the idea of it and claim the death of the age of innocence. There are so many rules and considerations that people are, most of the time, busy modelling their life. Some of them are lucky enough to realize earlier that there might be something more in this world, like when you sees yourself in your loved one's eyes or when a baby grabs your hand for the first time and smiles at you. Those are the beautiful moments of life that moisten the heart so that it can grow into happiness. Humble they might be, they are the eternal treasures one would be able to take with him/her when everything reduces to ashes. They are what shall keep our souls accompanied...

 

When I felt that I would again be haunted by those lines from "Shanghai Baby", a time when I would be too powerless to fight against his decision, a time that I thought he would take away with him my broken memories and leave behind a soul alone, I paused on the slippery slope and gave it a second thought this time. The first time it happened, it was in Santa Barbara. I figured his decision was rational and we gave up before there was any more memory. The second time, it was in Hong Kong. We tried but it did not work out because neither of us had faith in each other. If the french saying is correct, there would never be a third time when one could commit the same mistake. I say, it does not matter how big or small the number is. So long as one is brave enough to embrace the beautiful humble moments of life, to be ready to sacrifice the shadows of life, and above all, to be determined to cultivate faith in love, one shall be able to overcome all the difficulties...

 

Hence, having realized that, I dried my tears and chose to smile instead. For I want you to remember, when you will be thinking of me, the happy times we have had together. You are the reason for me to smile, and the reason for me to have more faith in love. And if such faith does grow into something more, I would know where to follow...